Mondays are often rather busy, catching up on emails and forecasting the week, well you know how it is. During one of my correspondences requesting that my models work for free, I was reminded of that motto that is on my homepage here, the life lesson I was raised with, and hard to remember thing for years, “Go where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated.” Now having said that, sometimes life demands we be in situations where we are not appreciated fully. Maybe we have a job that is less than fulfilling, a roommate we discover after the contracts are signed that is not ideal, or maybe many other circumstances.
The thing is, sometimes we focus so much on that unpleasant part of our lives that we forget that our happiness does not revolve around those less than desirable parts of our life unless we let it. While living in Europe and Asia, I saw that millions of people actually enjoy life despite their job, mate, or portion of their life is not the personification of Disneyland.
Before I had my amazing male talent I used to tell the models at Charisma+2, “Remember girls, whether it is boys or business, if you are not well liked, nothing you can do will make them like you.” So focus on those parts of life and people that value you. [this works for guys too of course, they just tend to tolerate less crap than girls generally speaking]
So HOW do you look past the icky parts of life if you are so entrenched in the crap you can’t see any light? In your dark place, even if there is not even one small flicker of candlelight, start a list of the good things that you have or have achieved. Count the smallest of things. I wish now that I had done it while modeling because I never count things like orange juice commercials or local boutiques in Paris as being significant enough to even count as an accomplishment. If it weren’t on the cover of Vogue, Marie Claire, or Elle… it was basically insignificant. UGH! How is that for setting myself up for feeling unappreciated. So it is with you. Can you get top 3 in a FPS game? Complete an RPG by yourself? Make a cosplay outfit? Bake a dish? Grow a plant? (I could kill a cactus my thumb is so not green)… there are things you have done that others just can’t do. Now list people who like you. If there is one person on your list, you are sooooo lucky! Do you have a parent, friend, cashier at the corner store who just smile when you are around? Also make a list of people that make you feel good when you are around them. I don’t mean people who you want to win over. I mean, by just being around this person, you feel good about yourself, about them, about life. Lastly, take this list with you to a park, a playground, or even your backyard or anywhere you can get away in the fresh air (one of my models liked her rooftop because she had easy access to a safe point there and no one ever went there). Read this list to yourself. Take some deep breaths and realize that the grey parts of your life are not all there is to your life so don’t search for your happiness in those zones.
If you have absolutely nothing in your life that is pleasant or life affirming, you aren’t looking hard enough. You may feel overwhelmed, but there is beauty in life. Stop watching the news. Stop listening to people gripe. Gravitate towards things that are life affirming. Go to an arboretum, an aquarium, a zoo, or a park. Watch children play. Look for the beauty. It is there and you can be a part of it. You may find that you even would like to volunteer at the zoo or arboretum! Or an outreach center or homeless shelter. There are so many places that would absolutely love you to help out. Someone out there will value you more than you can imagine. One day you will look back on this day and be so grateful that you decided to go where you are celebrated!